One of the things that impede our growth and actually direct our daily behavior are all of the limiting beliefs that we hold. Even though we may not realize it, these beliefs are part of us and what we think, so this is a real part of how we see the world.
How your belief system is created
When you are small, your brain is in intense learning mode, neural connections are forming, your prefrontal cortex develops, which is the area with the most functions and which takes the longest to develop. All these links are formed through what we live, through what we see and above all what our parents or authority figures do and say.
It is there, where we learn absolutely everything about our self-esteem, self-image, money, behavior, our own value, etc. And from there come many more things like the inner child and the inner critic, which are an essential part of our brain that helps us survive (even if this is emotionally).
The problem with all this is that many things that we saw and experienced we have not translated well or when they happened we did not have the emotional capacity to interpret them correctly. Which leads us to have self-esteem and self-confidence problems, financial problems , not so healthy personal relationships and in general a problem to know that you are deserving and capable of achieving everything you want.
The 10 most common limiting beliefs that prevent you from living to the fullest
Imagine that all the time you are living with certain ideas that your behavior dictates, imagine that you are constantly having ideas of:
- “I can’t say what I think because they can judge me …”
- “I don’t want to get close to this person so that my heart doesn’t break …”
- “I don’t want to ask for what I want because what happens if I get rejected?”
- “I can’t trust people because I’ve been betrayed before …”
- “I can’t chase my dreams because I don’t know what I would do if I fail …”
- “I can’t do X for Y …”
- “I can’t do A for B
And this is how life goes by living with fear, with prejudice, with limits. That is why below I detail some of the limiting beliefs that slow down your performance and prevent you from living your life free and confident of experiencing it and getting the best out of it.
1. I can’t be myself because they can judge me
This belief comes from fear of being hurt or of not being able to do your best. It may have been created by the continuous criticism of someone when you were little or some situation that put you in the light and only received criticism.
In reality, almost all of our limiting beliefs have a lot to do with your inner critic, because he is in charge of protecting you and stopping you so that you cannot be hurt, rejected or make you feel bad. All this, although it was formed when you were little, today your inner critic continues to rely on those facts to protect you.
Realize that having these kinds of beliefs only prevents you from risking doing something you like, something that would take you further or even meet more people. You don’t really know if everyone is going to like what you are going to do, probably not everyone is going to like it, but surely if you allow yourself to experience different things you will get satisfaction in yourself that nobody will give you.
The secret here is to learn to love yourself so much that it is not necessary to depend on the opinion of other people, to accept yourself so much that what others say does not collapse you.
We are all different, so the fact that we spend so much time trying to please them is useless and cannot really be achieved. What would happen if you spent more time doing what you like, without fear, without prejudice, without so much attention to what they will say? You would be able to please yourself, and this will lead you to live more in joy.
Begin to open up to these beliefs instead:
- “It is not my job to please people in life.”
- “To be me. There will never be anyone like me. «
2. I cannot ask for what I want because I am afraid of being rejected
This fear of rejection is quite common and is actually reflected in all areas of our lives. I think it mainly affects us when it comes to selling us. I remember a conference I attended, and the speaker told us that all we do personally or professionally is sell yourself (in a good way).
When you want an increase in your work, when you apply for a new position, when you want to sell more of your products, when you apply for a loan, etc. It’s all about how you see yourself and how capable you are of selling your skills and experience.
Many people fall short when it comes to selling, many grew up with ideas that speaking well of yourself may seem selfish or rude, which leads you to limit yourself. With this you bring there the fear that they will reject you, that they will tell you that you are wrong or simply that they will criticize you (like the limiting idea above).
This fear can be paralyzing and prevents you from achieving more than you want, it makes you stay living a life that you don’t really like, that you go to a job that you detest, or that you don’t know more friends or a partner for fear that don’t like them.
When you start working on yourself, accepting yourself and being compassionate with yourself , that fear begins to decrease. You must be well aware of what kind of words you say to yourself.
Usually people who have this kind of fear, have a very powerful and very debilitating inner critic, that’s why some of the things that we deal with in my self-esteem course is the fact of reducing that negative inner talk.
Begin to open up to these beliefs instead:
- “Rejection is an integral part of life. Each “no” will bring me closer to a “yes”.
- «I need to ask first to receive»
3. I cannot love someone without restrictions because I know that they will hurt me or break my heart
This fear of being hurt can prevent you from meeting your partner, that person with whom you can share your life. Avoid having healthy and lasting relationships. Of course, these types of beliefs are not easy to identify, since they are actually stored in the subconscious, but if in your life your personal relationships, and above all the loving ones, have not been what you want, or you have had betrayals, it is important that you questions what is causing these situations.
Many people are not aware that our personal relationships are a reflection of the relationship we have with ourselves. That lack of self-confidence, that fear of being hurt, that fear of accepting yourself completely, is reflected in the way you relate to other people.
I continually talk in my coaching sessions about how your emotional needs are guiding your behavior. When you do not know them and when you are looking for someone who satisfies them, you are more likely to go through life with disappointments and thinking that you cannot have stable or healthy relationships.
It is important to remember that, no one can satisfy your emotional needs , only you can do it. When you focus on getting to know them, on healing your old wounds and giving yourself what you need, then you will be open and ready to have healthy, stable and truly loving love relationships.
That idea that looking for your better half has brought many problems, in reality you are a whole person you do not need anyone to fill you or make you complete. We are looking for a partner to live and enjoy, to share our life, to learn together, but not to complete each other.
Open yourself to the following ideas:
- “I love freely because it is part of being human.”
- “By opening my heart I will attract the right kind of love to my life.”
- “My personal relationships help me learn more about myself and my love; they bring me closer to attracting the right person to my life. “
4. I can’t trust people because they always take advantage of me or always cheat on me
These ideas that are part of our belief system are stored in our subconscious, and an important part of the subconscious is to make those ideas come true. That is, those things that we think and how we see the world, generates certain behavior and puts us in constant attention to check them (which is the work of the subconscious), so that we will constantly be living those same beliefs.
Nathaniel Branden said it in his self-esteem books, when you live thinking that you are not worth and that you do not deserve, it is most likely that your experiences and experiences prove those ideas and beliefs. On the other hand, if you think that you are worth, that you are enough and that everything is going well, you will verify these beliefs based on your behavior and the way you see life.
So if you live thinking that people take advantage of you or that they always cheat on you, it is very likely that you live in fear of this, and this generates behavior and experiences that make you live just that. If you want to start changing your experiences, your life itself, start by taking responsibility for your thoughts, your actions and what you see in your life. Only then can you change it.
Trust that you can attract the right people into your life, and when this doesn’t happen and you run into someone who isn’t completely honest give yourself a chance to trust that this is just a learning lesson and not a sign that nobody deserves your trust.
Trust yourself and your ability to attract honest, positive people into your life.
Open yourself to the following ideas
- “Everyone deserves my trust.”
- “Without trust, I cannot form a meaningful relationship with anyone.”
5. I can’t set goals because I know I’m going to fail
I think the fear that most hinders your development and success is the fear of failure. Even if you have never failed, you can still have this kind of belief. It is the fear of leaving your comfort zone, fear of things going wrong, or fear of being judged for your mistakes.
Also, and it is something that I talk about in my course of Your life without limits is the fact that many of us grew up thinking that if we have an error that means that we cannot, and is often linked to your own worth. That is, if you fail you are not worth it, if you are not accepted in the job interview it is because you cannot or are not enough.
The common denominator with all of these situations is that we are not confident in our own worth, that we are sufficient , that we deserve the best. I know that these statements are difficult to accept, we do not realize that all this has to do with self-esteem, but there within us operates this principle of not deserving, of not being able and that we are worth according to our performance.
As a life coach, the reason for many of these beliefs is the lack of self-love and healthy self-esteem. When you start working on reinforcing that love for yourself, knowing that you are enough just as you are and how you are right now will help you combat these limiting beliefs.
Don’t let the fear of mistakes stop you. The difference between a successful person and someone who is not successful is the way they see mistakes. We all make mistakes, we all fall sometime. The difference lies in whether you stop again and take that experience as learning, or if you stay down and take it to criticize and judge yourself.
Open yourself to the ideas of:
- “My dreams are mine to pursue.”
- “Whatever I can conceive, I can do it. It is up to me to take steps to make things happen. “
6. I always go wrong
Uff, this is one of the most limiting beliefs. I am sure it is quite common, especially when we have a “bad streak”. You already know those situations where you don’t see the light, but I’m sure that keeping this mentality that I always go wrong only makes things worse.
This belief is combined with that feeling of feeling victimized, that you cannot achieve something, and then it is not worth the effort because you are not going to achieve it. The only thing they do is make you give up before you start. It is a losing war when you start with these ideas and as you saw earlier, it is so much your focus on what can go wrong that you will most likely not succeed.
Give yourself the opportunity to try it, change your mindset to a more positive one, try to know what your skills and strengths are and use them to your advantage.
7. I don’t need to have more money or be successful
This belief is linked to fear of failure, it is quite common that we avoid dreaming or setting goals for fear that they will not come true and this will generate sadness and disappointment. And this is one of the most limiting ideas in financial matters, in my program Your life without limits, we work a lot on this type of limiting beliefs.
No matter how much time you dedicate to your personal development, to the repetition of positive affirmations, to establishing a routine of success , if you do not eliminate these beliefs at the root, you will most likely find yourself in situations where you feel that you cannot win or you cannot succeed.
Realize that you don’t need a reason to succeed because you are destined for success. But suppose you need one: what would you do if you were a great success, if you had the money you want and did what my heart tells me to achieve my life goal ? How can you put this success, money and fame to maximum use? Perhaps this answer is what you need to hear and know to do what is necessary and reach your full potential.
Embrace these beliefs instead:
- “I am successful simply because I can.”
- “By being successful, I have more resources to achieve my highest goals and dreams and to support the highest good of humanity.”
8. I am too old to chase my dreams
I don’t know where this came from because being older we cannot learn, we cannot do or we cannot achieve our dreams. The truth is that success is a matter of mentality and not age. Success is achieving something you want. It’s that simple.
We all know stories of people who have already “grown up” accomplished many things, regardless of age, have not given up and have succeeded. There are actors, presidents, businessmen, singers and many more who, regardless of their age, have managed to make their dreams come true. Why should it be different in your case?
The only difference is whether or not to give up. It is trusting that you deserve to succeed, you deserve to achieve what you want. Without limits, without pain, without shame.
Forget about the standard definition in which one must be in a certain place in life and at a certain age to be considered successful. The path of your life is bigger than those predefined limiting beliefs. Create your own life path and make it happen.
Embrace these beliefs instead:
- It’s never too late to chase something. The most important thing is that you act now. “
- “Age is just a number. My current age is just a reflection of how many years I’ve been alive, but not a reflection of my limitless power as a being. “
9. I can’t make money doing what I love
This is very common and it is something that leads people to study and dedicate themselves to things that they really do not love. Based on this there is no surprise that there are so many people unhappy with their work, unwilling to go to work and living their lives without enthusiasm.
Actually, this is not even our own belief, but something we learned. As I told you at the beginning, they are mental models that we learned when we were growing up and that make us act in a certain way. These models prevent us from doing what we want, living 40 years in a job that we detest, and being afraid or having an unstable financial situation.
Furthermore, many people do not know what they really want to do for the rest of their lives, because they are so disconnected with their interior that they do not know what it is that gives them happiness and allows them to experience their own abilities.
Open yourself to the possibility of getting to know yourself, delving into what you want and trusting that you can achieve it.
10. Nobody is interested in what I say or who will listen to me?
Like almost all the limiting beliefs that we discuss today, this particular one arises from when children our parents did not listen to us or pay us the required attention. This generates that feeling that what we say is not important or that nobody is interested in what we say or do.
Realize that everything you are and are capable of contributing to this world is unique. Everything you say when it comes from your heart has the ability to change a person’s life. Be more compassionate with yourself, and therefore with others. Be more positive and focus on seeing the best of yourself, the best of people and speak recognizing the best of each situation and people.
I hope this article has invited you to delve deeper and see what is really happening inside you. I invite you to work on yourself, to improve your self-esteem and your confidence. Work with the inner child and your inner critic and achieve what you have always wanted.