8 steps to improve your self-esteem
Self-esteem is a fairly broad and complex topic, within my blog I have shared several articles referring to the importance of maintaining good self-esteem and a more loving and harmonious image of yourself to have a much happier and more successful life.
Self-esteem is the most basic ingredient to survive psychologically, it is a fundamental human need, even if you don’t think about it, it is part of you and how you behave.
What is self-esteem?
The truth is that many times we think that we have a good self-esteem more than anything because we fix ourselves or because we express what we think most of the time, but what I want you to understand in this article is that self-esteem is more than a passing feeling or thinking that getting well and looking good is equivalent to having good self-esteem.
Self-esteem really is a much deeper feeling and is a reflection of what you think of yourself, of whether you think you deserve to be happy and that you are valuable. This feeling is what motivates you and what generates your daily behavior.
Even when you don’t think something specific related to your self-esteem at every moment, that feeling is there with you all the time and is reflected in each of your personal relationships, in love relationships, in relationships with your children and family, and in your working life. Your self-esteem is reflected in how you treat other people and how you are treated.
Likewise, if you have high self-esteem, you are more likely to have more positive attitudes, such as setting goals and achievements that they can meet, they can communicate more openly and honestly about what they need and their desires, as well as a tendency to express yourself assertively. People with good self-esteem find themselves in healthy personal relationships and recognize the value of them. And you’re more likely to treat other people with respect, without price, and fairly, the same thing you ask for in return.
The impact of self-esteem on your daily life
The Dr. Nathaniel Branden, is a widely recognized in the field of self – esteem psychotherapist, and mentions that usually people with low self – esteem has behavior as irrational, fear of change and therefore we thought of as rigid, fear To various things, he acts defensively or is too aggressive because he usually thinks that people treat him badly and reacts the same way to other people, he may also try to control people.
Other behaviors such as being too embarrassing, which is not the same as being introverted , and can be afraid of people or relating to new people and / or behaving in a hostile way.
Instead, high self-esteem is reflected in other types of behaviors that allow you to experience more positive things, and therefore you will be happier and more successful because you are more creative, more independent, flexible, open to change, seeing positively the mistakes, more compassionate towards yourself and other people and you can work well as a team.
The stronger your self-esteem is, the better you will be equipped to handle any situation that may arise in life, in case of having some type of failure or error you will be able to get up more easily and stay more positive and open to discover more and better opportunities in your life.
Reflect, how much do you think you have the right to be happy? How much do you like yourself? and how much do you respect yourself?Analyze your personal relationships a little, do you think you do not have a healthy love relationship? Do you think you could do better in your working life? Can you communicate openly and assertively ?
8 steps to increase your self-esteem
1. Develop awareness
The first and most important step is to realize that you need to change and what you are going to change. So the first thing is that you analyze what kind of things you think about yourself, how you talk to yourself, how you describe yourself. All that negative inner talk is the main cause of your low self-esteem, but we’ve been saying the same thing for so long that we don’t even realize it anymore.
The best thing you can do is start noticing what kind of ideas and thoughts you have about yourself, even when they seem unimportant to you, saying things like “oh, how stupid” or “oh, how silly” is a pattern that needs to be changed .
One of the most commonly used techniques to treat cases of very low self-esteem, depression and other illnesses is that of cognitive behavioral therapies, and one of the methods is precisely to realize that it is your thoughts that generate an emotion and this in turn, it generates a type of behavior that you maintain and that makes you a habit.
So if you want to change the way you behave, the most effective will be that you change the way you think, but this you will not be able to do until you are able to recognize what ideas and thoughts need to be changed.
2. Take care of yourself
Listening and caring for your body is an essential part of loving yourself totally. Exercising, eating well, sleeping well are all part of taking care of yourself and spending a little time for yourself.
Believe it or not the fact that you start spending more time on your personal care will make you feel much better about yourself. If you want, start grooming yourself a little more, or change something in your appearance that makes you feel good. If you are a woman, spend a little more time doing something you like, relax, get into the tub, get a facial, all those that allow you to pamper yourself and feel that you are paying attention.
Remember everything starts with yourself, if you want others to treat you well, start treating yourself well.
3. Take a moment to appreciate yourself
Starting to appreciate who you are and what you are capable of doing is an essential part of improving your self-esteem. Many times we are so focused on everything that we do not have, what we cannot do, or who we are not, that we forget all those that we CAN do, everything that we have achieved, everything that we ARE.
What would happen if instead of criticizing you all the time or reproaching yourself for those things that did not go as you expected, you begin to congratulate yourself for what you could do, for what if you managed to do.
Start a daily practice of at least a couple of minutes in thinking positive things about yourself, things that you have done the same day, things that you like about yourself and if you can’t think of anything, then things that other people have told you they like about you. Then increase this practice to do it several times a day until you manage to develop a habit of focusing more on the positive of yourself than on what you do not like, and I assure you that little by little you will begin to see yourself in another way, in a way more positive and more loving.
4. know yourself
It happens that many times we are afraid to look inside or recognize what is in ourselves, sometimes it is because we have believed those adjectives and labels that other people have given us, but if you want to improve your self-esteem and love yourself, it is really necessary that you do an inventory of everything that you are, all those good things that you have inside and that you are capable of doing, and why not? also everything that you don’t like or that you want to change.
When you start to make a list of everything positive, it may be a slow process at first, but as you recognize these things I assure you that more will come. Also with the limitations, sometimes we think that we have more bad things but when you really start to take inventory you will see that they are not so bad and that if there is something you do not like you can change it.
If you want people to love and accept you, it is necessary that you love and accept yourself and knowing yourself truly is the most effective way to achieve it. In this way you will realize that you have a lot to offer the world and you can also set some goals that allow you to improve those things that you want to change or that today you see as limits.
5. Change your way of thinking about mistakes
People who have low self-esteem are much more prone to recriminate themselves and to be martyred for having made a mistake, because they see it as part of themselves or as if that mistake will prove that they cannot achieve things. Actually we all make mistakes, it is part of life, but somehow we have grown thinking that mistakes are bad and that we should not make them.
When you start to develop a more positive vision about mistakes, that is, take them as an opportunity to rectify or feedback on an event, then you can focus on more positive things like what to do to not make it again or how to change some actions that you will allow redirecting the path.
People who tend to meet their goals and succeed are not those who do not make mistakes, but rather a person who knows how to take advantage of them.
If you want to improve your self-esteem, change the way you think about mistakes, instead of treating yourself badly for making them, focus on what you can change so you don’t make it again.
6. Be more compassionate
Compassion does not mean that you feel sorry, it means that you observe the facts from the point of view of understanding and sympathy for another person or for yourself. Instead of judging by the actions that occurred, try to understand why things happened and why the person or yourself acted in a certain way.
Avoid prejudice or make conclusions about something you don’t know or about which you don’t know all the facts. Yes, we all have at some point in our lives, but when you start to develop this compassion for other people, you also develop it for yourself.
You can start with:
- Just listen to someone else while talking to them about their emotions (try to do it actively, that is, listen completely without thinking about the answer or judging the person)
- Be nice to people, even if you don’t know them, for example you can give way to a car passing by, or open the door for someone.
- Try to always have a positive response to others, or if you see someone who is not having a good day you can say a phrase that motivates or encourages them
7. Avoid comparisons
It’s quite a destructive habit to compare yourself to someone else or someone else’s life to yours. For starters, you don’t even know all the circumstances the other person went through, nor do you do yourself justice.
When you compare yourself you tend to focus on what the other person has and you don’t, or how good the other person does or you don’t. Otherwise, you compare yourself to feel better and you tend to see the good that you did but that the others could not.
Life is not a race, life is about being happy with who you are and what you do, when you focus on what other people are or are not compared to yourself you are only creating a competition that really does not exists and you are not going to win.
When you feel the need to compare, focus better on something positive that YOU are doing and try to be more compassionate with yourself. Try to be more positive .
8. Spend more time with positive people
Even if you start to develop a positive attitude, to be more compassionate and kinder to people, if you tend to meet people who like to criticize or who are very negative, the only thing you will achieve is that your energy will drop and that it will cost you more work. stay in that harmonious feeling.
Try to be more selective with people who spend your time, avoid people who are perfectionists, who are not friendly or who complain all the time. I know that there will always be someone like that around you, and many times you will think that it is not possible to avoid them all the time, rather it all starts with avoiding participating in denigrating or negative talks. If there is someone who wants to take the conversation to something negative, try to direct it to the positive. Eventually, the person will change their attitude or stop coming to you for negative conversations.
Choose people who prefer the positive, who take care of themselves, who are kind and who are more open.
And the same applies to the time you spend reading news and participating in social networks that tend to the negative, avoid consuming negative things, and take advantage of your time to develop yourself, reading books , blogs or things that motivate you.